As most people know by now, April 2nd was declared as “Liberation Day” by King Donald. He has done what no leader of the United States has done since Harry S. Truman: he stepped down from being the leader of the Free World to being just the leader of America. No longer will America be “The Shining City Upon a Hill” that Ronald Reagan spoke of in his Farewell Address to the Nation. King Donald has pissed upon the torch flame of Liberty, and in the eyes of many world leaders, America is now a place to be shunned. Thank you, MEGA, for this giant step backward! After all, you voted for this!
Tesla stock closed at $239 on April 4th, down over 46% from its January 15th high of $428. One Investment House stockbroker on Friday said, “A good time was had by all.”
A reliable insider at the CIA has confirmed that high-ranking members of Canada, France, and Mexico have met in secret to discuss the future of the United States. While all of the details of what was agreed upon are still unclear, the overall feeling is that a division of the country should reflect, for the most part, the United States as it existed in 1803. For its part, France would reclaim control of the Louisiana Purchase, and Canada would take over everything east of the Mississippi River (except Florida), the north-west Oregon territory, and Alaska. Mexico would oversee the “once” Spanish territory in the southwest of the United States, and also Florida. There was reportedly a heated discussion between Canada and Mexico over control of Florida, as neither country wanted it. When the subject of Hawaii came up, a representative said, “It was a Kingdom before, it can be a Kingdom again.”
Key White House officials say Washington is growing impatient with Russia. To emphasize this attitude, ICE has been directed to begin the deportation of members of the Solntsevskaya Bratva. When the orders reached ICE, one officer asked, “Do they speak Russian in El Salvador?”
King Donald signed a new executive order requiring all military O-6 and above, all GS-13 and above, all members of the Senior Executive Service, and all GOP members of the House and Senate as well as the President’s Cabinet, to buy a Tesla before the 4th of July, or their jobs will be terminated. While he can not terminate the House and Senate, King Donald said he would primary them into retirement.
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