On her visit to Pituffik Space Base, the second lady Usha Vance was invited to join a briefing on the February 25th Blue Origin mission. In the briefing it was disclosed that like the nine previous missions, the tenth mission encountered, possibly even docked with a Spaceborne UAP (unidentified anomalous phenomena). The reason for or result of, is at this time unclear.
Four out five Ancient astronaut theorists believe that the passengers on the Blue Origin missions are being replaced with shapeshifting aliens. One Ancient astronaut theorists commented, “Bezos is sending his fiancée Lauren on the next mission. Won’t she be complient when she gets back to earth.” Another Ancient Astronaut theorists responded, “A Stepford wife for sure!”
A senior Guardian of the 12th Space Warning Squadron at the Pituffik Space Base has allegedly filed a report on the SpaceX Starship explosion of March 6th. In it, they state, “It’s just like the one in January, you would of thought Musk would have got the message. But no, he throws out that Nazi salute and wham! The Jewish space lazer shot down his rocket again.”
Republicans at the West Virginia Legislature passed the bill, S. B. 456, allowing health care providers to “visually or physically examine a minor child” for the purpose of identifying their “biological sex” without the “consent of the child’s parent, guardian, or custodian.” It is reported that Matt Gaetz is ecstatic about being asked to lead the team of health care providers in putting these physical examinations into practice. The New Apostolic Reformation, a Christian Nationalist organization, in conjunction with Neuralink, a company founded by President Musk in 2016, has been collaborating to develop a microchip that will be implanted during the examinations. This microchip is non-invasive and will only be collecting data such as menstrual cycle, sexual activity, pregnancy progression, and also in case of an Amber Alert, can be used as a GPS tracker. A spokesperson for the New Apostolic Reformation said that bill in West Virginia is a pilot program seeking to keep our society Trans free.
Word has it, that when King Donald heard about this project he wanted to get in there and be hands on! He was informed by a White House staff member, who is now looking for a new job, that it would be unwise to interfere with West Virginia politics, in that way. Another White House staff member, who still has their job, contacted the Senate majority leader and told him to have every Republican Senator send over their female Pages so that King Donald could examine the young ladies, to make sure that they were indeed female.
While most students will be on their summer break this year, Jim Jordan and the NCAA will be busy installing CCTV security cameras in all collegiate female and All-Gender locker rooms and showers. When asked about this surveillance project, an anonymous NCAA board member stated, “We need to identify and weed out those transgender athletes. You don’t know how humiliating it is to watch women’s basketball, ogling that one player all game until your dick is so hard you can’t stand up, only to find out it was a man! This has to be stopped.” Starlink, using a Grant from DOGE, will be providing a live feed to the White House for King Donald’s personal use.
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