On April 8th, King Donald signed four executive actions aimed at boosting America’s “beautiful clean coal industry,” as the White House put it.
A reliable insider at the West Virginia Department of Education has confirmed that they are looking into adding a work-study program for 14 to 17-year-old students to their Career Technical Education options for coal mining. This program, when implemented, would allow students to work 12-hour shifts in the mines with a guarantee of one meal and a minimum of three hours a day of education in the three Rs: Reading, wRiting, and aRithmetic. As students, they will not be permitted to join the United Mine Workers of America or any other union. Upon completion of the program, they will be eligible to earn minimum wage. Legislation is being looked at that would allow middle school students (11 to 13 years old) to be eligible to also take advantage of this program.
Help us spread Fake News. Like, Share, Subscribe, and click the Bell to stay informed. Drop us a Black Heart in the comments and help us reach 1 million subscribers before the Russians come to take over.
On April 9th, while the average American watched their 401Ks decrease in value, due in large part to “Liberation Day”, King Donald minutes after the opening bell on the New York Stock Exchange, posted on his Truth Social and its’ 1 million per month active users, “this is a great time to buy”. The other 155,302,318 American voters did not get that advice. Four hours later, King Donald paused the “Liberation Day” tariffs for 90 days, causing the stock market to surge, making President Musk a cool $36 billion for his net worth in just one day, Bloomberg News reported. “This was brilliantly executed” Hedge fund mogul Bill Ackman said, “Textbook, Art of the Deal.” When Ron Vara was asked about using Tariffs to orchestrate this kind of Pump-and-Dump scheme, he said “well it is a good way to make your friends lots of money and fuck over the common Joe at the same time. Isn’t that what politicians do best?”
April 10th, in a 9-0 decision, the Supreme Court ruled that the Trump admin must ‘facilitate’ the release of Kilmar Abrego Garcia, who was wrongly deported to El Salvador prison. Just hours after the ruling was made public, President Musk’s minions in the federal government fired 30% of the Supreme Court Police Department. All of the offercers terminated were Female, veteran, or a member of a Minority. As 10% of those terminated were within a few years of retirement, DOGE is counting all of the retirement benefits they would have collected as money saved.
A “Go Fund Me” page has been established to raise $1.5 million for Robotic spine surgery for Charles E. Schumer, the minority leader of the US Senate. A spokesperson behind the page said, “Yes, it is a lot of money, but something must be done. The man has no spine!”
Leave a Reply