In a Sunday interview on “Meet the Press,” King Donald stated, “I don’t think that a beautiful baby girl needs – that’s 11 years old – needs to have 30 dolls.” A reliable source at the Religious Liberty Commission said that the Attorney General and the Secretary of Housing and Urban Development have been directed to set up a Task Force to enforce the new Royal Decree that little girls can not have 30 dolls. The Task Force, nicknamed “The Doll Police,” will begin going door to door after Memorial Day to the homes of residents with pre-teen girls to inventory and, if need be, remove excess quantities of dolls. This is just a small fraction of the scope of their job. The real work will be on Black Friday at all major retailers, where they will forcibly limit the number of dolls each family can buy.
King Donald ordered a 100% tariff on all foreign-made movies! So what does that mean to the average American moviegoer? A spokesperson for AMC Theaters said, “Well, that $15 movie ticket will now cost you $30. The best part will be that they will need to adjust the price of concessions accordingly. So that $20 popcorn and soda combo will now cost around $40. With the revenue this generates, we might be able to start paying our employees minimum wage.” When Amazon Prime streaming service was asked how the new tariff would affect their movie rental offerings, they replied, “We will start with a base rate of $14.99 and just keep going up with whatever the market will bear.”
RFK Jr., the Secretary of Health and Human Services, is the gift that just keeps on giving! On Wednesday, April 30th, he doubled down on his claims that the MMR vaccine (that protects against measles) contains “aborted fetus debris.” As any halfway intelligent person capable of using a search engine can find out, in the 1960s (for any of you who have trouble with math, that is over 60+ years ago), the original rubella vaccine (that is the R in MMR) was developed using cells taken from a fetus involved in an elective abortion in Sweden. The current vaccine is extracted from a replicating cell line from the original cells. Even way back in the 1960s, it was frowned upon to do medical experimentation on live children. In keeping with the current administration’s “sow fear and division among Americans” policy, RFK Jr. subtly laid the blame for the current outbreak at the feet of the Mennonites in Texas. After all, on March 1st, King Donald issued an executive order making English the official language of the United States, and those people don’t speak English.
In acordence with King Donald’s executive order “Designating English as the Official Language of The United States” the following states have been directed to change their name to something English: Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, Hawaii, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maine, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, New Mexico, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Vermont, Washington, Wisconsin, and Wyoming. They have until Flag Day 2026 to make the change. King Donald was overheard saying, “They can think of it as a birthday present to me!”
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